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Seals on Pianos (Tuesday 18 August 2026)
Some of us used to have a bust of Bach, Mozart, or Beethoven on the piano, very classy, very traditional, tremendous musicians. But those days are over, folks, completely over. Now there’s a new trend sweeping the country and the world: seals on pianos, hammonds, and synthesizers.
Yes, seals. Beautiful animals, very intelligent, probably better musicians than some people I know. You walk into someone’s living room and there it is: Bach has been replaced by a seal. And let me tell you, that seal looks fantastic sitting on top of a Hammond. Bach never did that, Beethoven never did that. Frankly, they missed a huge opportunity. The seal just sits there, staring at you, while you play the blues, and somehow it makes everything sound better.
People are saying, “Why do you have a seal on your piano?” and I say, “Why wouldn’t you have a seal on your piano?” It’s classy, it’s musical, it’s marine. The seal-on-piano era has arrived, and believe me, it’s going to be huge.
Image. Don’t do this: Bust of Ludwig van Beethoven on a grand piano.
Image. The new trend: Seal on top of a Hammond XK5.
Image. The real thing.
